Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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