I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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