The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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