I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
