i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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