I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
