So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
