No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
