where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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