Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
