i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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