You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
