Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
