You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize