I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
