You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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