Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize