I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
