he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
