I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this boner is exhausting
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
