I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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