I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i now understand why vodka
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How naked do you want me to be?
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