i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
