dude i'm inner monologue high
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
