i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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