The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
