my vag is so smooth its legendary
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
