That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
