wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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