i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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