at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
