honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize