Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
