I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize