he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
