Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
