i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
