like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
