Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
