I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
