Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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