I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
