I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize