I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
