I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
