a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
as a side note pls kill me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
