Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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