Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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