he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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