Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
