It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
