just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
