Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
