I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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