I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
