i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
