So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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