Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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