I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
