Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
