I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
