I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
