I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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