I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
