She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
