WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
