I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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