Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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