Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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